Some thoughts on "The Work" of Byron Katie

"The Work" of Byron Katie is a set of 4 questions that each person must try to answer when he encounters a stressful thought .I see many people using this technique and also claiming to coach others on the same .I have also requested people going through stressful times to try doing "The Work" of Byron Katie and did send some basic info about that etc but quickly found out that not many keen were interested in doing "The Work" . I began to ponder what can be the reason for the popularity as well as the unpopularity of "The Work" .I really do not know how many people who are using "The Work" really using it the way it should be used .
Coming to practical terms "The Work" involves just a simple thing of accepting the reality or accepting the truth of the situation .Most of our problems are due to the fact that we fight with reality without learning to accept them and Byron Katie's key message is that when you fight with reality you loose only 100% of the time .This is the essence of "The Work" or Byron Katie's message . But are we really in a position to accept "The Truth'"or "reality" as it is ? Most of us are heavily conditioned by own thoughts ,feelings , fantasies, opinions and we take them to be real and work hard to achieve them and we encounter resistance in getting what we wanted we cry foul or blame others or pass judgement on others . We never question whether our thoughts ,feelings , fantasies and opinions are true in the first place .So this is the first thing that is needed to be done to lead an awakened life i.e questioning our own thoughts and feelings and understand how much we have been directly / indirectly conditioned by our family , society etc to have those thoughts and feelings .This needs lot of courage .This is exactly what J Krishnamurti has been advocating i.e the need to investigate deeper into our own thoughts and feelings .But J.Krishnamurti never gave any technique as such and left it to each individual to probe deeper and not to escape from this investigation by diverting to other techniques like chanting mantras , using breath control etc which can only temporarily stop the mind but as long as the basic investigation to our own thoughts and feelings are not being done we will be repeatedly keep getting stressed out .That is why Byron Katie gave her 4 questions in the form of "The Work" and I feel that the first question itself i.e "Do you know is it true?" if properly probed will help a person appreciate reality much better .
But most of the people use "The Work" to solve a problem i.e they imagine an outcome for their situation and expect "The Work" to bring out that outcome .This is mostly wishful thinking and "The Work" is not a wishful thinking but a process to understand and accept truth or reality as it is .If a couple is going through a separation then "The Work" will not help them patch up and this is what most people expect but if they honestly do "The Work" then they will understand why they landed up in such a mess in the first place and that understanding will help remove the bitterness between them and give them better insight in to their own unconscious pattern and create necessary space between them to move forward .
So unless and until an individual is willing to investigate the truth of a situation as it is without getting trapped in taking sides to satisfy his own ego or for the cause of self preservation , "The Work" will not be very useful for such a person ."The Work" is only useful for that person who respects and appreciates truth or reality as it is even if it is unpleasant to him /her .

The Work of Byron Katie - Freedom From Stress is Only 4 Questions Away

The Work of Byron Katie - Freedom From Stress is Only 4 Questions Away

All stress comes from believing a thought that argues with reality. And when you oppose "what is" - it hurts.

In Byron Katie's first book, Loving What Is, she illustrates this with a simple and clear example with a cat:

If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "Meow." Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark...

And yet, if you pay attention, you'll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. "People should be kinder." "Children should be well-behaved." "My neighbors should take better care of their lawn."...

These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you're right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.

So what can you do when you find yourself arguing with reality? You know, when you're sitting in traffic thinking, "I shouldn't be stuck in traffic right now!" Or when the sale you were hoping for at work falls through and you're frustrated because, "They really should have followed through."

Well, you can do one of two things:

1. Believe what you think.

2. Question it.

Believing what you think can be pretty painful. I mean just think about how stressful it is to sit in traffic wanting the cars to move faster! It's about as hopeless as trying to get a cat to bark.

Questioning the thoughts, on the other hand, can open you up to finding peace where you once found stress.

You can start questioning them, or doing The Work, by writing down your stressful thought (the one where you want things to be different than they are) and then answering these four questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then you look for turnarounds by taking the original stressful belief and looking for opposites to see if they are as true or truer. In other words, to see if they are closer to reality.

Here's an example:

My friend should be a better listener.

1. Is that true?

Yes.

2. Can you absolutely know that it's true? (What's the reality?)

The reality is that she's not better than she is. So, no, I can't know that she should be a better listener.

3. How do you react when you believe that your friend should be a better listener?

I get frustrated and I complain to my other friends. I don't want to hang around with her anymore. I don't want to listen to her either because I want to punish her. I don't respect her and am jealous of her attention when she puts it somewhere other than on me when I'm trying to talk to her.

4. Who would you be without the thought that your friend should be a better listener?

I wouldn't try to convince her that she should listen to me more. I'd feel gentler in my body. I'd appreciate the amount that she *does* listen to me. When she talked to me, I'd be able to listen because there wouldn't be that resentment that I was holding on to. I'd realize that I'm doing just fine in my life even though she's not listening to me more.

Turn the thought around: She should be a better listener.

TA> She should *not* be a better listener. This is true because she's not. She can't be a better listener than she is in that moment.

TA> *I* should be a better listener. Definitely! If I think she can do it, can I even do it?! I should give her what I want from her because obviously it's important to me that friends listen to each other well. So this is for me to live.

The Work of Byron Katie is a path to self-discovery and freedom from stress. Ask these four questions for yourself and find out who you'd be without your story!

"When I argue with reality I lose. But only 100% of the time." - Byron Katie