Saturday, May 02, 2009


In the moment before you began reading this sentence, there was only awareness looking. As soon as you began reading, it appears that awareness became obscured by thought. Awareness never becomes obscured. You could not even read this page or have a thought without awareness. It is the screen on which all of the phenomena in life appear and disappear. The word “phenomena” here includes thoughts, emotions, sensations, states, experiences, buildings, computers, dirt, apples, planets and every other form. When the phenomena appear, awareness does not go away. There is no oscillation between awareness and thought or some other phenomenon that arises. Awareness is what allows the phenomena to be seen and experienced.

Let’s keep it simple and remain with the phenomenon of thought. Thought arises in awareness. When each thought disappears, awareness seems to appear again in place of thought, even if only for an instant until the next thought appears. But awareness itself does not appear and disappear. It is thought that appears and disappears in awareness. You cannot find or lose awareness and it cannot actually be obscured by thought. It only appears to be obscured. Awareness is what actually allows every thought to appear. Thought is not even independent of awareness. If awareness is the screen on which thought appears, how can thought have a totally independent nature from the screen that allows it to appear? It can't. So when thought appears, it is reminding you that you are aware. You are not a person that is aware. The person or "I" thought is one of the images on the screen. It is clearer to say you are awareness itself (although be clear about the fact that any word you use to describe what you are is an image on that screen including the word "awareness).

So why is there so much seeking for awareness if awareness is always and already here? Awareness, when it is fully recognized to be what you really are, contains within it relentless love, compassion, humility, and peace. This draws "us" into a spiritual search for what we already are. Seeking is based on a misperception that is naturally corrected when it is realized that what we are seeking is what is seeking. Awareness is looking for itself. It tends to look in every object that appears on its screen. In that way, it misses the simple and obvious recognition that awareness is what is looking right now (and always). It never leaves. It is what you already are. The search itself is a complete illusion. The search arises in awareness. If you look closely, the search is comprised mostly of thoughts about future, fueled by a sense of lack. These thoughts arise in awareness. The thoughts will never find anything called “spiritual awakening.” Awareness itself is already awake. All that can happen is a recognition of that which is already awake.

Perhaps the most compassionate thing this website or any other website, book, or pointer can do is point you to what you already are and then help you see that the pointer itself is merely an object appearing in what you are. This is so subtle it is often overlooked. Words like “awareness” and “presence” are objects appearing in what they are pointing to. There is a tendency of mind to believe that the word is the thing it describes. The word is never the thing it describes. Relentless compassion includes not only pointing you to what you are, but also deconstructing the very concepts used to point. This entire page of pointers is nothing more than phenomena arising in what you are. The words “what you are” are phenomena arising in the actuality of what you are. No one owns awareness. The notion of a person, as well as the notion of ownership, arise is the actuality of what you are. Nothing that can be said here or anywhere else is the truth of who you are. You are not a description.

If there is a tendency to intellectualize this message in any way, just notice the tendency. Notice what is looking. What is looking is awareness. The intellectualizing appears in awareness. It may be helpful to take a moment and suspend thinking completely. Simply look without thinking. Drop the intellectualizing about spirituality completely and notice the space that transcends and includes all duality. There is a simple feeling of being that the space reveals. That space is fully awake. Simply notice that awakeness. It is who you are.

Be careful with the word awareness, or any other words used to point for that matter, because language is naturally dualistic. The moment there is some attachment to a word like awareness, there is a risk of believing that the objects that appear in awareness are somehow separate from the awareness. Duality itself is illusory. Every form, including every word (that includes the word "awareness") is a temporary appearance that is not independent from awareness itself. The distinction between the various forms as well as between awareness and its objects is illusory. The forms are empty just as awareness is empty. Not seeing this creates a dualistic split in which there is identification with the idea that you are awareness and that the appearances in awareness (the forms) are separate from what you are.

If seeking or intellectualizing about spirituality arises again after you do this, then come back to that restful state of no thought. Do it over and over if you have to. At some point it dawns on you that what you are is not a concept. You are not even the greatest pointer you’ve ever heard. If you have read really rich spiritual writing or pointers from some brilliant teacher or sage, none of those words are who you are. Be clear about that. Once that clarity is revealed, you see that what you are is appearing as absolutely everything, that includes every form, idea, belief, interpretation, frog, squirrel, wall, building, and river.

Scott Kiloby

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